Robin Rules! Read online

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  CHAPTER

  1

  One Monday afternoon, Beast Boy was sitting in his bedroom playing a video game. Not only was he doing well, his victory looked assured. His eyes glistened with tears of joy.

  “This is going to be the greatest achievement of my life,” he said, practically weeping.

  Just then, Robin kicked open the bedroom door. “Beast Boy! Emergency! No time to explain. Come on, get the car! Gotta go!”

  In an instant, Beast Boy flung down the controller and followed Robin out of the room. Beast Boy had been so close to winning the game, and now… it was game over.

  Robin sat in the passenger seat next to Beast Boy as the Teen Titans’ car raced down the street.

  “What’s the emergency?” asked Beast Boy.

  Robin’s eyes narrowed. “Got a monster to deal with.”

  But Beast Boy was in for a surprise. Robin ordered him to turn into the Burger Splode drive-thru.

  “A monster case of the munchies!” explained Robin. He leaned across Beast Boy and shouted into the drive-thru intercom. “A cheeseburger, fries, milk shake, and a small side salad. Stat!”

  Beast Boy sat fuming behind the wheel. He gave up his video game win for this?!

  On Tuesday, Cyborg hooked himself up for his weekly data backup. A USB cable ran from the computer and plugged right into his head. A large warning displayed on the screen: CAUTION! DO NOT REMOVE CABLE DURING BACKUP. SOME DATA MAY BE LOST.

  “Man, these backups seem like they take longer every week,” said a bored Cyborg.

  At that moment, Robin kicked open the door.

  “Cyborg! Emergency! No time to explain!” said Robin. “Come on, get the car. We gotta go!” He grabbed Cyborg, pulling him from the cable.

  The screen flashed: WARNING! DATA LOST!

  But Cyborg wasn’t there to see it. He was already in the driver’s seat of the car, zooming along. When Robin told him to pull over at the Game Bear store, Cyborg was confused.

  Robin jumped out of the car before Cyborg could say a word. In a flash, Robin was in and out of the store. He held up a new video game.

  “Check it out,” Robin said smugly. “Dog Simulator 2000!”

  Cyborg was so shocked and annoyed, he swatted the game out of Robin’s hands and onto the ground.

  On Wednesday, Starfire stood in the living room and removed yellow berries from an alien plant, placing them into a bowl. Her pet—a small, pink mutant moth larva named Silkie—lay next to the plant and tried to eat the berries.

  “You cannot eat the berries, Silkie,” said Starfire. “They are bad for you.”

  Just then, Robin crashed through the window and landed on the table.

  “Starfire! Emergency!” said Robin. “No time to explain. Come on, get the car. We gotta go!”

  As Robin and Starfire ran off together, Silkie saw his chance. He crawled over to the berries and ate the entire bowl. Instantly, his face swelled up and became puffy. Uh-oh.

  Meanwhile, Starfire raced off in the car, with Robin next to her. When Robin asked to be dropped off at a D.J. Aqualad concert, all he said was, “Pick me up in an hour. Thank you!”

  Starfire’s eyes glowed green with anger.

  On Thursday, Raven was in her room. A demon roared and tried to come through a portal on her wall. Raven fired a bolt of magic at the demon, trying to banish it. “Back, foul demon!” As she was about to cast a final spell to send him permanently back into the portal, Robin tore a hole in the ceiling and dropped down.

  “Raven! Emergency!” yelled Robin. “No time to explain. Come on, get the car. We gotta go!” He grabbed her and zipped out.

  The demon hesitantly opened an eye and looked around. Surprised that it had been left alone, it smiled evilly and flew off, looking for trouble.

  In the car, Raven and Robin sped off. With Robin’s directions, they ended up at the beach.

  “Woo-hoo!” yelled Robin as he grabbed his surfboard and hit the waves.

  Raven’s anger hit a boiling point. She had stopped battling a dangerous demon to give Robin a ride to the beach?!

  CHAPTER

  2

  On Friday, Raven, Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire were hanging out in the living room at Titans Tower. They weren’t surprised when Robin burst in yelling, “Guys! Emergency! No time to explain. Come on, get the car. We gotta go!” He ran out.

  But no one followed him.

  So Robin ran back in and screamed, “Guys! Emergency! Car! Go! Now!” He ran out again. Still, none of the other Titans moved.

  After a moment, Robin walked back in and said sheepishly, “Uh… guys? Emergency?”

  Raven was immediately skeptical. “Oh, yeah?” she said. “What’s the big emergency, Robin?”

  He held up a flyer. “Everything’s half off at the dollar store,” he explained excitedly.

  Cyborg couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Man, all week you’ve been bumming rides for stupid stuff. You know you messed up my weekly backup, right? You’re lucky I didn’t lose any important data!”

  Next to him on the couch was Starfire’s pet, Silkie, who was still all puffed up from eating the berries. “I must agree with Cyborg,” said Starfire. “It is most irritating.”

  “Thank you,” Cyborg told her. Then he realized he didn’t know who he was thanking! His laser eye automatically scanned Starfire, but he still couldn’t identify her. He nudged Beast Boy with his elbow. “Who’s that orange girl?”

  Apparently, Cyborg was missing some important data! Malfunction sparks whizzed around his head.

  “Why can’t you just drive yourself, dude?” Beast Boy asked Robin.

  “Uh…” began Robin. He cleared his throat. “My license was suspended.”

  “What?!” exclaimed Beast Boy.

  “Yeah,” Robin said, uncomfortably. “I was in a little fender bender.”

  (Actually, Robin totally wrecked the Batmobile!)

  “Anyway,” continued Robin, trying to get back on track, “I found a guy on the Internet. He says he’ll help me get my license back, no problemo.”

  Raven wasn’t so sure. “Sounds kind of sketchy, Robin.”

  “Nah,” replied Robin. “It’s on the level. Besides, how can I not pass? I’m a master driver!”

  CHAPTER

  3

  The next day, Robin went to the location where he was supposed to meet the guy, a driver’s education teacher. He looked around, but didn’t see anyone. Then he noticed a beat-up car with a sign reading STUDENT on the top of it. When Robin walked up to the car, he saw a note attached to the window. The note read: Get in. Start engine.

  So Robin did. He put on his seat belt, started the car, and turned on the radio, trying to find a decent station. When he did, he turned it up full blast and began rocking out to the music.

  Robin had no idea that his music was covering up a very important sound: that of a blaring bank alarm! Half a block away, a robber ran out of the bank holding a blue duffel bag crammed with money. He ran up to the car that Robin was in and opened the hatchback. He put the money in the back of the car and pulled out a clipboard. Then he sat in the car’s passenger seat, put on his seat belt, and turned off the radio.

  “My name is Ed,” he told Robin. His voice w
as a monotone and not what you’d expect from a bank robber! “I’ll be your driving instructor.”

  Robin laughed. “Ed? As in ‘driver’s ed’?”

  Ed was not amused. “Just Ed.” Then he got down to business. “The way this works is that every time you fail to comply with an instruction, I make a deduction. Too many deductions, you fail.”

  Just then, Robin finally noticed the bank alarm. “Hey, what’s that noise? Is that—?”

  Ed ignored him and said, “Pull out into traffic and proceed through the intersection.”

  “But what about the—?” Robin began.

  Ed marked the sheet on his clipboard. “Aaaaand that’s a deduction.”

  “Okay, right, right,” said Robin, trying to focus on getting his license back. He pulled away from the curb. “I’m going.”

  A bank guard raced out of the bank and began shooting at the car.

  Robin cocked his head. “I swear that sounds like—”

  “Eyes front,” Ed instructed.

  Robin nodded nervously. “Sorry.”

  “That’s a deduction,” said Ed, making another check mark on his list. “Left here.”

  Robin turned left, but since he didn’t use his turn signal, he received yet another deduction.

  “Aw, man,” said Robin. This was not going well.

  Suddenly, half a dozen police cars appeared, their sirens blaring. They were catching up to Robin’s car.

  “Increase your speed,” Ed said calmly to Robin.

  “If you say so,” said Robin. He stomped on the gas.

  “Now turn right,” Ed said.

  Robin wrenched the wheel to the right. The cops behind them did the same thing.

  “Are you sure—?” Robin started to say.

  “Deduction,” replied Ed. “Now go left.”

  Robin turned and sped over a fire hydrant. Water shot up into the air like a fountain.

  “Deduction,” Ed said again. “Hard right.”

  “But there’s nowhere to turn right,” said Robin. On the right was the ocean!

  Ed didn’t seem to care. The police cars were still on their tail. “TWO deductions,” he said. “Hard right!”

  Robin did as he was told, and the car smashed through a guardrail and flew off the cliff. It soared through the air and landed in the bay.

  As the car slowly sank into the water, Ed said, “I think we’re finished here.”

  “So… how did I do?” Robin asked hesitantly.

  Ed finished writing on his pad and tore off the top sheet, handing it to Robin. It had one word on it: FAIL.

  CHAPTER

  4

  Robin stood in front of the refrigerator at Titans Tower. He was staring at all the red marks on his test.

  “So, you failed your driver’s test?” said Raven.

  All the other Teen Titans laughed.

  “Master driver, huh?” Cyborg guffawed.

  Starfire giggled. “Laughing at your shortcomings makes us all feel better about ourselves.” Then she flew over to Robin and tried to act nicer. “It is okay,” she told him. “A lot of people fail the test of driving.”

  From the table, Cyborg looked at Starfire curiously. “Will someone please tell me who that strange woman is?” He still didn’t recognize her.

  “Look, I’m a great driver,” Robin insisted to Starfire. “I’m just not a great test taker. The good thing is, I can keep retaking the test until I pass. And I will pass! Because I am a master driver!”

  As soon as Robin left the room, Raven looked at the others. “He’s going to fail, isn’t he?”

  Cyborg nodded. “Big-time.”

  Later that week, outside a pawnshop, Robin met up with Ed again. As before, Ed stole lots of cash and used Robin as the driver of the getaway vehicle. Once again, Robin had the radio blaring and couldn’t hear the shop’s alarm going off.

  As Robin drove away, he turned to Ed and said, “So last time, I think you freaked me out a little, but now I’m ready.”

  At that moment, shots from a police officer’s gun nearly hit the car.

  “Did you hear that?” Robin exclaimed. “It sounds like—”

  Ed immediately looked down at his clipboard. “That’s going to be—”

  “Okay, okay!” Robin said quickly. “No deductions!” He sped off, with a slew of police cars in pursuit.

  “This music is terrible,” Ed said, wrinkling his nose. “That’s a deduction.”

  Robin became flooded with determination. He was not going to fail again. He pressed the gas pedal to the floor and zoomed right over the roadblock that had been set up by the Jump City Police Department. The car flew through the air—and landed safely on the ground. But that wasn’t good enough for Ed.

  “Only three seconds in the air?” said Ed, looking at a stopwatch. “Deduction!”

  Ed instructed Robin to drive straight into Food Bear, a local supermarket. A line of police cars followed them inside. As Robin drove, Ed rolled down his window and picked up some bananas and crackers along the way.

  “I asked you to turn down the cereal aisle,” Ed said, annoyed.

  Robin sighed. “I know… that’s a deduction.”

  It was the ultimate game of cat and mouse between Robin and the police cars. Up and down the aisles they sped, but in the end, the police cars just crashed into one another. Robin and Ed zoomed out of the market scot-free.

  Outside, Ed finished marking up Robin’s latest test results. He wrote a big FAIL on it—again!

  “Meet me for a retake in front of the casino,” said Ed.

  Robin put his head in his hands. He wondered if he would ever pass his driving test.

  CHAPTER

  5

  The following day, Robin had the car waiting outside the casino, just as Ed had instructed. As before, Ed stashed some cash in the back and then had Robin drive off. Along the way, it was one fake deduction after another, and Robin failed again.

  For the next several days, Ed had Robin meet him at places like the Money Factory and even the end of the rainbow—where they encountered a very angry leprechaun. Ed would steal and Robin would drive, over and over again.

  Meanwhile, in another part of the city, the demon that had escaped from Raven poked its head up from a manhole, wearing the cover like a hat. When it saw the Teen Titans sitting outside at a local coffee shop, the demon fled, not wanting to get caught.

  At the table, Cyborg extended his telescopic eye right at Starfire, whom he still didn’t recognize.

  “How about you just tell me who you are?” Cyborg said to her. “We went to school together, right? You look a lot like my cousin. Did we eat at the same restaurant the other night?”

  Starfire didn’t know what to say.

  Raven just rolled her eyes. Then, suddenly, she spotted someone familiar across the street in front of a jewelry store.

  “Hey, is that Robin?” asked Raven.

  The others looked over. It was indeed Robin, sitting behind the wheel of a car.

  “Huh,” said Beast Boy. “He’s supposed to be meeting his driver’s ed instructor. I don’t know why he’s in front of a jewelry store.”

  Wee-o! Wee-o! Wee-o!

  The alarm at the Diamonds Aplenty jewelry store rang out. The Teen Titans watched as a man carrying a stash of stolen cash and diamonds jumped into the car’s passenger seat.

  “Looks like it’s because Robin’s the getaway driver,” said Raven.

  Starfire’s eyes became wide. “Surely Robin is not aware he is aiding and abetting a criminal.”

  Cyborg stood up. “Well, that’s why we’ve got to warn him!”

  CHAPTER

  6

  The Teen Titans headed to their car, and Cyborg sat in the driver’s seat. They had to stop Robin before it was too late. Cyborg floored it and was tailgating Robin in no time. He honked the horn and the other Titans waved and yelled, trying to get Robin’s attention.

  Robin looked behind him, surprised at what he saw. “What are they doin
g here?” he wondered. “Oh… to laugh at me.” He imagined them saying, “No superpowers and can’t drive.” Robin steeled his jaw. “I’ll show them!” he vowed.

  “Make a right here,” Ed said from the passenger seat.

  “Stow it, Ed!” exclaimed Robin. “I’ve got this one!” Pumping the gas, he cranked the wheel and burned rubber.

  Behind him, Cyborg downshifted and turned on the rear blasters, giving his car super-speed.

  Robin zoomed all around the city. He raced toward a building—and then actually drove up the side of it! Cyborg, however, crashed right into the building. After backing up, Cyborg was able to drive up the building’s side and continue to give chase to Robin. Both cars sped and jumped from building roof to building roof.

  Robin loved the chase. Ed… well, he felt a little nauseous.

  With some quick moves, Robin launched the car into space, easily navigating around some asteroids in his way. The same couldn’t be said for Cyborg, who managed to follow Robin into space, but hit those asteroids like his car was a ball in a pinball machine. Crash! Slam! Bam!

  As the two cars plunged back toward Earth, the only one enjoying the ride was Robin. Both Ed and the Teen Titans were scared and nervous. Bouncing off a rainbow, Robin made it safely back to the ground and screeched to a halt. Close by, Cyborg and the other Titans landed, but their car exploded on impact.

  “Nice driving, Cyborg,” Raven said sarcastically.

  Just then, one of the tires from the Titans’ car fell from the sky and conked Cyborg on the head. It rattled the data in his skull.

  “Hey, when did Starfire get here?” he asked, finally recognizing her. The bump on the head had done the trick.

  Nearby, Ed staggered out of the car, panting. He thought that was the scariest and worst ride of his life. He gulped as he approached Robin. “You pass,” said Ed, tearing off the paper and handing it to Robin.